HAPPY SWEET SIXTEEN, JOCELYN LAU SHANLING!! ((((:


Well, everything was a success.
Trick jocelyn that none of us can celebrate with her, but just have lunch. Haha.
Went over teoheng to meet the rest &she was surprised. (((:
Well, not feeling allright &i keep singing. Hahahs. Shagg.
Hope jocelyn &the rest enjoyed. Cause i enjoyed myself too. (((:


Ahhhhh, Wtf am i doing? Haisss. I promise i won't do it anymore!
've been eating non stop. Everytime when i'm down i'll keep eating.
its so opposite from others. even if i'm full i will continued eating.
I'm FAT !! I've got tummy! Ahhhh


I'm afraid slowly everything, everyone will be leaving?
The feeling is sooo scary. I can't get to slp, i don't know how to keep myself busy.
I don't know who to turn to, who will be give me advice.
I know i shldnt have choose to give up, but i still did.
Cause of impulsive? Cause i don't know what to do. Hais.
How scary to drift apart from you love ones? Hais. I tot i won't be feeling how i'm feeling now.
But still, i am. Why i choose to give up &let both of us suffer?
I suffer more then him. Cause at least he understand what he need.
I don't, i don't even know what the hell happen to me. CONFUSED !!
How i wish i could be dead, at least i know i'm dead. At least i know i don't exist in this world again.
Better then the state i am now. Don't know what to do. Keeping everything to herself.
No guts to speak up everything? Afraid of the consequences. Ya, i'm TIMID. I admit.
I need encouragement to make in into a better person.
Sorry if i've terribly hurt you. I'm also hurts. Nono, i can't get any feeling.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh !
Tell me what to do. Why am i born to be so indecisive? Why can't i make up my own mind.
That's why i say, i need someone for me to relay on NOT people to relay on me.
Haiss. Everyone is enjoying their life, i'm suffer badly here.
Hais. Everything lies on my hand, &this is what i did to my life.
I don't know how to express out my feeling but only crying &shouting.
I lost half of my voice, my throat hurts.
I off my phone. I just want to be alone, sorry if people can't reach me.
I don't wish to read anymore sad msgs. I need TIME !
Ahhhh. I don't know what to continue. just like my url, IAM-SPEECHLESS.

Hais. My head is fcuking pain now, i feel like vomiting. I cried out loud when i reach there, everything burst out. I feel much better. Before that, i'm feeling fcuking numb, unbreathable, feeling so tired, physically &mentally. What to do? All my fault. Cause i give up everything, even my own little life. Crying &drinking really make me feel seh &the feeling sucks you know??!??!!!!!

What fcuking life is this. I can't be happy. I'm all alone.

I'm a big fool. Nothing i can say now. I hate myself more than anyone else. I'm the STUPID-EST GIRL .


I've give up my life &everything. I'm left with nothing.
Don't say anything, cause you won't understand. Just let me be alone &suffer. I BEG YOU.



SORRY!


我把自己反锁在空荡荡的房屋
感谢你让我想个清楚
因为爱你所以我不做你的包袱
我不需要谁温柔安抚

请放心我很快能恢复
找到一个人陪我漫步
不准哭
我不要装可怜无辜
挡住你的路挡不住你追逐
不准哭
我更应该微笑祝福
祝你找到对的幸福

如果我消失不见
你在乎不在乎
别含含糊糊我很在乎
因为爱你所以我选另外一条路
离开是我的最后让步

请放心我很快能恢复
找到一个人陪我漫步
不准哭
我不要装可怜无辜
挡住你的路挡不住你追逐
不准哭
我更应该微笑祝福
祝你找到对的幸福

爱情就到这里结束
我们不得不不得不屈服
只能笑
不准哭
我不要装可怜无辜
挡住你的路挡不住你追逐
不准哭
我学不会微笑祝福
祝你找到
祝你找到对的幸福

FEELING SO NUMB . (((:







Why can't you be the someone who can let me relay on?

No school again. Stuck at home &watch my dvd.
I'm going to chiong all the drama i missed during the period of my Nlevel.
Grrrrr. No chiong lah, LOL. Just that i don't like to watch episode by episode.
I like to watch at one go, so hahah. Many hk/korean drama that i want to watch!!
Ahhhh.

Stuck at home for two days, &i mean two whole days not stepping out of my house door.
OMG ! It's been long since i stay at home alr. Haha .
Ytd used the com the whole day, then at night mama came home with dvd, so watch 4episode &she don't allow me to continued. )))):
&& i watched another 4today this afternoon. Gonna watch another 4epsiode later.

Ahhhhh. Tmr got maths class test. Surprising right??
I tot shld be holiday alr. Sad to say, i still got to study for my olevel math.
Sucks sial. But i don't think i'm going to study. Paper1. Ahhhhh.
So if i fail, im well-prepare but i just hate listeningto kong's scolding. hahahas.
Maybe just reading thru some notes tmr morning. Haha.

I'm boreddd boredd boredd.
No mood go out, no one want to go out.
I'm stuck at home for two fcuking whole day in front of my television &com.
Enough of parents naggings. It irritates me alot.
Just stop nagging. I go out till late, NAG! I stay at home watch dvds, use com, NAG !
I use com till late, NAG. Fcuk lahhhhh. Why can't i stay up late???
It's not nagging but talking. over &over again, aint you tired of those words?
Repeating yourself again &again, you are not tired, but i'm tired of listening.
Just let me be alone ! Doing what i like! I know you give me alot freedom.
Since you trust me then stop NAGGING.
Stop pointing me to do things which i don't like. UNDERSTAND?!?!!
I'll tidy my room when my mood is here. I got no mood for anything now.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh. I'm sooo tired. I'm tired not because i didn't sleep.
Is another type of tireddddd. The feeling sucksss.
I want to be aloneeeee.



Anyway, Selamat Hari Raya . :DDD

Haisss. I don't know what is happening to me recently.
I feel that i'm not myself. Haissss.
Who can tell me what to do???

Everything is not going right, everything went sooo wrong.
I felt so lonely when i'm at home, keep thinking those things i shldn't. Haiis.

R/s is not going smoothly recently. I've changed.
to me now, r/s isn't impt to me anymore.
my first priority is friends, result, work.
I don't know. People grow up &i'm sure the thinking will change.
Sorry if my words hurt you severely, i don't mean it.
But i just don't want to hide from you anymore.
One day i still have to tell you.
Afterall we have been together going to 2years, but at this stage.
i can't possible give up, butbutbut no matter what now, i can't change my mind, my thinking.
i've neglect you recently, yea i know. but i can't help myself.
i feel stress up, i hate to see this way.
tell me what to do. i don't dare to face you, i'm afraid i will cry.
hearing what had happen, i wish i can be by yourside taking care of you.
but my mind kept thinking of how the way i hurt you.
I can't forgive myself. i never treat you the way that i shld.
&&all the past keep appearing my mind.
how you hurt me &everything. i know you changed alot just for me.
i don't need you to change cause of r/s, it's aint worth.
nothing last. my thinking is still same, since the say we are together.
NOTHING LASTS FOREVER. But for you, it's different.
haiss, i dont know what i;m talking now.

Since the day we are together, i told myself it's a new life for me.
but somehow, someway goes wrong.
i can't make you happy, you can't make me happy.
i can't make you the happiest guy, you can't make me the happiest girl.
i can't give you what u want, yet making yourself to change for me.
yes, tell me i'm SELFISH, admit it. I admit i'm selfish.
Sometime i think i'm too young to be in love, i never know what is true love &i start to fall in love.
i know you wish me to write about u in my blog.
but sorry to say i always fail to write about you. i always make u sad &not happy.
everytime when you need me the most, i never once be there.
when i need you the most, you never once be here.
haiiissss. how i wishh everytime when my friends told me how sweet &&how long our r/s lasted, i can smile happily.
cause it's not sweet inside. everytime you hide things from me, i hide things from you.
your empty promises, you lies, my broken promise, my lies.
your empty promises is way too far for me to be happy.
i doubt u know what empty you have gave me.
everytime i wish you promises is real. you promise and you do it.
never once. i'm sure i told you many time.
i don't need you to change for me but just you promises.
everytime is only i tell you then you know, why can't u know yourself??
haissss. there's tooo many thing i want to tell you.
but afterall, it's my fault. i can't blame you any further.
this r/s which had turn into coldness it's all my fault, the one who caused it.


Unfaithful

Story of my life
Searching for the right
But it keeps avoiding me
Sorrow in my soul
Cuz it seems that wrong
Really loves my company

He's more than a man
And this is more than love
The reason that the sky is blue
But clouds are rolling in
Because I'm gone again
And to him I just can't be true

And I know that he knows I'm unfaithful
And it kills him inside
To know that I am happy with some other guy
I can see him dyin'

I don't wanna do this anymore
I don't wanna be the reason why
Every time I walk out the door
I see him die a little more inside
I don't wanna hurt him anymore
I don't wanna take away his life
I don't wanna be...
A murderer

I feel it in the air
As I'm doin' my hair
Preparing for another date
A kiss upon my cheek
As he reluctantly
Asks if i'm going to be out late
I say I won't be long
Just hanging with the girls
A lie I didn't have to tell
Because we both know
Where I'm about to go
And we know it very well

Cause I know that he knows I'm unfaithful
And it kills him inside
To know that I am happy with some other guy
I can see him dying

I don't wanna do this anymore
I don't wanna be the reason why
Everytime I walk out the door
I see him die a little more inside
I don't wanna hurt him anymore
I don't wanna take away his life
I don't wanna be...a murderer

Our Love...his trust
I might as well take a gun and put it to his head
Get it over with
I don't wanna do this
Anymore
Uh
Anymore(anymore)

I don't wanna do this anymore
I don't wanna be the reason why
And everytime I walk out the door
I see him die a little more inside
I don't wanna hurt him anymore
I don't wanna take away his life
I don't wanna be...
a murderer...(a murderer)
no no no no
yeah yeah yeah..





DEMORALISED

Getting tired of life man. It's sucks totally. Everything is not going right. I hate to be home. whenever i'm home, no matter what, i will just think of things. There's nothing to do at home, com, eat, tv, sleep. Ahhhhh.

Nothing much happen recently, but just happy with my friends. Jokes and laughter with jocelyn &those brothers. (((: Slack with them outside school, underblock. Hahahs.

In life, everyone will change, but will they accept the changes in we people.? Ahhhhhh. Forget it lahhh. I don't know what i'm talking. All nonsenses. LOL.

Cy ar, fag less when you're now sick, don't make yourself addicted. =DD

Out to accompany prisc to interview. (((:

Lazy to blog recently. Don't know why this few days very easy to get tired sia. LOL. Keep sleeping. Machiam like PIG. Haha! Slack with jocelyn &those brothers recently. they talk alot craps sia. Very fun. Hahaha. &&hairstylist! Fun! Ytd field trip to the salon. Hair washing. Hahaha. So fun there. Today, relay among 6students! WOHOO! Got 1st. Too lazy to continued. Pic tells it all.


Half way while learning how to make it curl. Hahaha. On wednesday. :DD


The relay! Shervonne's my model. hahah! She soo pretty!
*side view*


*back view* nicenice!


WOHOOO! The hat on her head is nice! YEA, all done by myself! 1st time in life man. Hahahah.

Havent got pic for my trophy, left it with mama. Gonna get back tmr! Mama is HAPPY! :DDDD

Very tired. Gonna chiong math then slp! YAWNS!

Remember that time i was watching the drama, sunshine heartbeat, and the ending is freaking meaningful. That's the show i loved the most! Hahaha. The ending go like this, (converter into english)

If love is predestined, that means we just have to wait for it to happen? People alway say love is fated is set, but if you never move the first step, you will never know how is it like. how can i tell who is the destined one? everything is pre-arranged? only heaven knows. but even if you believe in predestined, you still have to look for your true love. everything have to be work for . fate is same. the key is that when you are happy together, you feel happy&contented. the magic of love will bring you to the destined one to you. the way to tell your destined one, is whether both have each other in mind.
same as four-leaf cloves. it will bring you happiness. people destined for each other will meet in their life. And dream of you each night. I think of your arms being around me, And cannot express my delight.

LOL. The show that i will never forget. Hahaha. =DDDD Ahhhhhh.

Just found an interesting website, people do passby and give it a try. www.love.2loop.com

I'm sooo bored now. Just dl o2jam. LOL. Gonna continued to levelup soon. Hahaha. Looking for quiz and so on. I'm just too bored! Ahhhhh.

Thinking back when i just got promoted to sec4, &the 1st day of sec4. Rmb telling myself, it's just the start of sec4 &N's is still far ahead, now Nlevel is OVER. This year pass really very fast, too fast. It just like ytd was the 1st day of school. Hahaha. But i admit i'm kinda slack compared to previous year. Sighhh.

There's too many things that happen thru out the year of school. It's mostly the sad moment i had. But at least i managed to get over all this obstacles. Butbut, there's a lil memories i had this year spending with jocelyn &the brothers. Yea, it's them who made my sec4 life wonderful. Hahas.

Somehow i regret not studying hard like previous year. Im really afraid that i can't made it to sec5. Ahhhhhh. I want to go POLY to study web design. Ahhhhh. Follow by hairstylish? Hahaha. Year2006 really pass sooooo fast, there's many thing i don't wish it to have a FULLSTOP. Sighhhh. This sentence is true, it's always the happy moment that end the fastest. Day by day, soon we are going to say goodbye to year2006 and welcome year2007. Hahahs.

Just now when i was on the way back home from maine's house, i keep thinking &thinking. 1day 24hours it's not enough. Hahaha. Time just pass soooooo freaking fast lah! Grrrrrrrr. There's too many memories thru out this 16years, Sad, horrible, tough, happy. Can time just pass slower!??!!!!??

11more days i'll be saying goodbye to my class sec4B. Ahhh. It's just freaking fast. Ahhhhhhhh. Soon Olevel maths will be approaching follow by Nlevel results.


Time is passing toooo fast.

Heyhey. I'm finally SIXTEEN, Officially 16years old! Ahhhhh. 1year older le, means 老了一年. Hahah! I really want to thanks all my friend for the wishing &everything! &&ofcause esp jocelyn &those brothers who never fail to cheer me up. A big thanks to them for giving me a memorable &happy happy birthday. So sweet of them. (((((: Ton-ed with them at east coast with full of craps. Hahaha. It's true that this is the most memorable birthday, not forgetting isabel with all her words and msg &dear! (: THANKS to all. My happiest day ever. LOL!


Reached home around 6plus in the morning &slept all the way till 3. Hohoho. Out with elin &dear to escape, shouting is good. Haha. Then ate Hagaan Dez fondua. FINALLY, craving for it very long. Hahaha. But it's sooo sweet. Hahaha. I'm home now, feeling so shagg.


Gonna help celine to chiong her project &out to maine's house tmr! Very long never see her. YUPPIE! Hahah.

OMG. I'm so happy ! happy ! Thanks to all who rmb! I'm surprise that dainel still rmb! Isabel's friend! ((((: I'm so happy. I can't sleep now! Hahaha. OMG. THANKSTHANKSTHANKS! I LOVE ALL OF YOU LAH! MUACKS! SO SWEET OF YOU !



ISABEL I LOVE YOU MANYMANY ! (i wrote alr! Hahah!)

11october2006

YEA. Today is FUN but So UNLUCKY ! Lazy to elborate. :DD


At pasir ris!







At East Coast!


Seeing me in pain! FELL DOWN. Ahhhhhh. 1st time fall down got injuries! Damn it. roller blade for going 1hours plus then too tired ba . ))): Everything thats always the 1st time! 失败是成功之母！










This is PRETTY! LOVEIT. My AHMA PRETTY HUIMIN.!




DAMN IT! Cannot upload le. BLOGGER SUCKS. Continued tmr. now is 1.22am! I got school tmr! AHhh.

Ohya, Ytd got a sweet sweet dream again! =DDDDD Hahahah!


HAPPY 16th BIRTHDAY YONG! =D

Soooo tired ! Just now went to meet elin at bugis. Spent like 70$ OMG. Ahhhhh. Bought my contact lens &solution. Bought the paper from A&BC then went over bugis street but ear ring &a pair of heels. Not really high, just a simple one. Ahhhhh. Like that i spent 70$ alr leh. OMG. I'm totally broke now. I need to workworkwork. My saving all gone liao. LOL.

Tmr going escape with dajie and elin. Hahaha! Yeayea. FUNFUNFUN. I'm tired. Update tmr! ((((:

Ahhhhhh. Nlevel offically FINISH ! Wohooooooo. I've waited for this day damn long, after all my struggling on studying. LOL. But actually i didn't study alot. A&E math i just eat thru cause is like tuition finish everything in mind, mrskong go thru in class those wksht qns all in mind. Hahaha. Yea. I finally feel so happy cause today's amath is MANAGEABLE without any struggling of qns i dont know. perhap one or two. Hopefully my answers are correct. :DDDD

Tmr going escape with dajie. YEAYEA ! Thursday not sure cause it's yong's birthday. HOHOHO. Then Graduation day cum my birthday ! I'm going to be 16, finally! Haha. No big deal, just 1year older only. Hahahs.

Dear called me last nights. WOHOOOO. He's over at genting. Ahhhhhh. Must enjoy! Hahahas.

It's all about You&You. Ahhhhh. My mind is going to burst. Not going to think alr lah. DAMN ! (((((:

Going over bugis to meet elin &to get my contact lens? Maybe. If not must wait till 20oct sia. LOL. Then get something for dear? But i'm broke leh. Haiyo ! ))))):

SCREW UP MY POA. Dont want to say alr. All theory qns &i just hate lah. DAMN it. Came home to get my curve rule for amath. It's to be save then to be sorry. LOL!


This morning all alone at home. Papa went to work, dajie went off early, mama at malaysia. &erjie wont come home so early de lah. ONE PERSON in the morning. First time. Ahhhhhh. Feeling so sucks lah. ))))):

Ahhhhhh. Just finish my POA paper. Screw up. Paper two is all theory qns. Only for few qns. FUK. I hate theory qns. NO MORE A1, i think is C5 alr. LOL! So big different loh. I do until sibei sian lah. &the weather is so hot. SUCK LAH. Later going back school for Amath paper 1. Just to come home and take curve rule. Sian. To be save then to be sorry. =xx

Ahhhh .

Ytd night PSI 150. OMG. But still not worst then in 1997, PSI 260? Isit? Cannot rmb. Is over 200. LOL. Supposed to go out for dinner with mama but all thanks to the haze. The weather is so humid. Grrrr. STOP BURNING THE FOREST LAH! Grrrr . On phone with jocelyn ytd night until she nearly fall asleep! Haha. Was rather happy after hearing something. Haha.

Early in the morning, i feel so down. Dear is leaving for genting till 12oct and mama is going malaysia cause grandma is sick. Hais. Everyone not there for me today. Sighhh. I'll be all by myself for studying and dinner. ))): Nvm, being alone is also good. Hahaha.

Hesitating whether slhd go over mac to study. Maybe i shld for the sake of having good grades for POA and Amath. Just 2more day. &WOHHOOOO. ENJOY, &19DEC will be a happy day . Cause i'm sure all the hard work i had done will be show in my results. =xxx


Can't wait, 5more days! Happy &sad.

Damn the haze lah. Make me don't feel like going out. Looking out of my window, look like as if i'm at genting. Hahaa . But the weather is warm . Ahhhhh . Wanted to go east coast to cycle to relief stress and everything, but thanks to the haze. Ahhhhh.
I hate to be at home. I'll start thinking alot. Haisss.

I've got some sweet sweet dreams last night! OMG. Damn sweet, i really don't feel like waking up. If i can, i rather to sleep forever so my dream will last forever. Sighhhh. Afterall, it's just a dream ba. Really wish it will come true. Haisss. I hate to say goodybye.

Moving on for my future is simple, it's what i leave behind thats so hard.

Emaths paper2, manageable. ((: Met dear for dinner at bugis swensen. Ate BBQ half chicken. Yummy. NEW dish. Swensen got new menu. i miss some dish there. ))): Bought my red belt &red ear ring. Hahas. Two more impt paper for me! POA and AMATH. Aiming for good grades. 1,2,3. hahahah! Can i? STUDYSTUDYSTUDY!

My com is half-dead. cauusee of my itchy hand, making my com to die last week but manage to suffer this few days. TKD! my com's private doctor. hahha. LOl!

it's all about you &you who spoilt my day this afternoon. upon hearing, i acted as if nothing happen but in fact i wish to care more, but i don't want to be so busybody. it doesn't concern me at all. hahaha. but, as a friend i'm kinda worry. ((((: I wish i'm able to care you, be able to see your injuries &yea. but theres too many people there to care for you, my dear friend. i hope you'll fine with your injury. i wish to care more, but i restrainted. i keep thinking of the sentence you told me last month. ahhhhhhh. but still, i really care. as long as you're my friend i care. (((:

SWIMMING DAY ! 051006 (((((:
No paper today = no school ! Hahaha . Noon jocelyn came my house &we went PS around 2plus3. Looked for siewkim &huiting at mos. And shopped a lil. Hahah. Supposing we intend to look for present for yong, but tadah we slacked &chatted only. hahas. Was late again! Always . Hahaha. Swimming with my two girls is FUN ! Hahahas. &ate dinner with them, YUMMU ! I;m craving for seafood so long! &finally ! :DDDDD
Tmr afternoon paper, gonna study in the morning! Nights!

Before Swimming!





After swimming!


After Bathing!











Dinner time!

YUMMY! Chilli crab, cereal prawn, fish, vegetable &MANTOU !


The AHMA taking of the food &two girls are waiting for you! Hahahah.

061006 - Happy 22month with myboy. ((((:
&ofcause Happy MOONCAKE FESTIVAL ! =xx

Gotta slp if not ahma is going to smack my butt! )): AHMA is NAGGY but she NICE! :DD I LOVE TODAY !

HAPPY 16th BIRTHDAY CHERYL!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AHYING ((:












Nothing much to say. Life is boring. Life sucks. :DD Nothing is going right. October still sucks. Maybe is the year 2006. Forget it.

HAPPY SWEET SIXTEEN BIRTHDAY, CONSTANCE!

AHhhh. My day sucks cause i did manage to study for my science. well, maybe at night. currently at jocelyn's house waiting for her to get ready for constance's birthday celebration. Haha. Tmr sc paper. Ahhhh. i want to get B3 but i'm not studying. Maybe i won't be slping early today. after dinner with them, i've got tuition for phy and after that chem with dajie. hahaha. i want to get 3. anyway thursday i don't have any paper. so i want work double hard for my POA and Amath. POA, i want a 2 and amath maybe a 3 or a 4. hahaha. ahhhhhhhh. Hope i did well for mt emath. i want to get1. but isit possible? hahahah. Yea, maybe that all. i'm tired ! 1more night a i can slp early. ((((((: before the nxt paper. hahahha.

Ahhhhh . Xmei's carried away by her feeling and everything. Nlevel !!!!! Not classtest leh. I don't feel anything at all. Hais. I don't bother to study. *slap myself hard. Haissss.

History. Upon receiving the insert booklet, i daydream for 15mins before starting my work. I copied the passage give ¬ my ans. Hahah. SO 1word, 4letters FAIL ! (((: &i'm well prepared.


Still, no one understand. Sometime, when i'm alone i start to think of many things which makes me feel like crying. Hais. I wish i wasn't born into this world.

Nlevel officially starting is few hours time ! Ahhhh . I know nothing about history . I'm going to screw up for that ! Ahhhh . Getting to feel agitated !


GOODLUCK TO ALL TAKING NLEVEL !

And lastly, god bless nothing will happen to them tmr. (((((((: